Reflect back and vary

When children begin to interact with us, they thrive on our responses. Studies have been done (sorry I don't have the references handy) that show children respond more favorably to a live interactant than to a recording (even if the recording is of them interacting with someone earlier). No big surprise there.

They want to see and hear our immediate reactions to what it is they do. With younger children, they love to hear you or see you repeat back what they have just said or done: monkey see, monkey do. This helps them to understand your perception of their action. It helps them to focus attention on the aspects of their behavior that you find most salient. And it aids them in developing a sense of recognition for similarities, since what you do will not be exactly what they did.

Many of us instinctively do this. An infant says: ba-BA-da-da-da, and we repeat ba-BA-da-da-da. (Pay attention to the intonation and rhythm). We should continue this sort of thing as their speech becomes more articulate. Again, partly we do this naturally. The 18-month old says: "baw baw" ... we reply, "yes, that's a ball". For hearing children, it is helpful for them to see how we form these sounds as well. Say, "look at daddy, look at daddy," point to your mouth, repeating slowly "ball", then say more naturally, "you're right, that's a ball." (For signing children, help them form the shapes with their hands, or let them rest their hands on top of yours as you sign.)

This helps the child to become aware of the process of speaking. It gives them visual cues that link to their auditory and kinesthetic cues. As they develop further, repeat and vary, "ball, you're right, that's a ball, a round ball". Introduce new words and concepts along with the familar words they know: ball, round, circle, sphere, globe. Don't ever believe that complicated words and abstract concepts are too hard for a child. The trick is to build things up systematically, to repeat a word or idea within a given context, to relate it to other words and ideas.

Make a game of it. My three-year-old just loves the word nonsequitur. I tried to explain the concept: "it's when you have a group of things and one doesn't belong... it just doesn't follow ... it's not part of the sequence ... like, tomato, apple, cucumber, WINDOW!" He'd squeal with delight. "Window" he would randomly spout out throughout the day, and giggle, "non-se-qui-tur" he'd add. I'm not sure he fully gets it. But his attempts now get closer and closer to what I might say. Most importantly, this sort of thing is play with words, and it gives them a chance to feel at home with words, even "big words," and to see them as tools they can use, rather than scary uncertainties.

But never overestimate your own ability to foresee what it is they get from what you say. They might not learn all the words you use, but they abstract information from your speaking that helps them in many ways. For instance, they may see patterns emerge that teach them how words are put together, their morphological structure. They hear you pluralize nouns, and mark the tense of verbs. All of this information goes in. It often comes out garbled, but these bumps work themselves out.

We are often told to read to our children. Indeed we should. But we should talk to them as well. And we should play with them in other ways that make them aware of patterns and imitation. Get a drum (it can be an empty coffee can, or a pot and a wooden spoon). Encourage them to play. Imitate what they do as best you can. If they thump twice, you thump twice. They'll find the game delightful, and eventually they'll get the imitation. They'll observe the patterns you do.

If they like to draw, give them one crayon, and you take another. When they draw a curve, you draw a curve. When they dot the page, you dot the page. All of this is teaching them to see things the way you see them. And it's teaching them to interact socially.